Wonderland
by Elbei
Summary: Miss Alice Baskerville has always had a sweet-tooth. Though when she's offered a job at "Wonderland," an up-and-coming patisserie and café run by an eccentric bunch of handsome young men, it isn't the decadent pastries or the copious amounts of tea that keeps her around. AU Drabble-esque. Expect various pairings, crack, and hilarity.
1. Sugary Invitations

**A/N:** This is just a little bit of a leisure fic. I got this idea, from pondering about what kind of job Break would have in the real world. It was either crazy/incensed history professor, or crazy/incensed pastry chef. I liked the latter, go figure. Although he's my favorite (I love me some Break), there'll be lots of different pairings or maybe even none at all, so don't get attached. Enjoy, and please feel free to leave a review!

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**Prologue: Sugary Invitations**

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"Hey...Miss..."

She glared into the safety of her styrofoam cup.

"Miss."

_Just ignore it, Alice._

"Hellooo..."

_..Leave. Me. Alone._

"I _know_ you can hear me, young lady."

_...eh?_

_"..."_

_..._

A screech of a chair being pushed back, foot steps—and then nothing.

_Is he gone?_

She waited for that persistent voice and when it didn't come, Alice let out a breath and sank into her chair, looking forward to get back to enjoying her book and—now, she simmered— lukewarm latte. Curling her lip at the cooled beverage, she licked her thumb then turned a page as she pondered about the indecencies of rude, testosterone induced males who had some preconceived notion that they could just sweet talk their way into a girl's life.

Though it wasn't exactly sweet talk. Just a niggling, face-less voice.

Whoever he was, he niggled her, she decided—and it would take a lot more than that for any guy to catch her attention!

Then...there, she felt it—

Alice had the distinct foreboding feeling that her personal space was about to be breached.

"Miss."

One eyelid twitched. She turned, ready to tell off whoever the guy was, and was met with a pale hand in her line of sight. In the center of that hand was a...

_Candy?_

"I was wondering..." the voice began in a friendly tone.

Eyes narrowing, she followed the hand up until she was met with an equally (too) friendly smile.

"Do you like sweets?"

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	2. Just Desserts

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Pandora Hearts.

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**Just Desserts**

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Alice followed him with the prospects of...well, cake.

Oh, and then there was the job part. Can't forget about that.

"You look competent enough," he had told her. "I'll tell you what—you come work for us and I'll be generous and throw in a couple of nice pastries and petit fours during your breaks."

That caught her attention. Petit fours? Done deal.

During their walk over ("It's not far. Right down the block, in fact."_)_, in a much unused corner of her head where rational, cautious Alice currently dwelled, there was plenty of arguing and cursing ensuing.

_This guy could be a murderer for all you know, a psycho axe murderer who lures pretty girls with promises of pretty cakes and other wonderful confectionaries. He'll butcher you with a cleaver and leave you scattered in different dumpsters...—And what's up with that damn hair? Is that its natural color?_

_Oh I dunno_..._but he mentioned free samples, _her stomach reasoned, completely missing the point of that spiel.

_Focus!_ rational Alice headed.

_Oh. The business card._ Her mind slowly slunk out of its pit. _He showed us his business card._

_Ever heard of Kinko's? Anyone can make a business card...You're dead, girl. _

"H-hey, Mister—" she uneasily started. Oblivious, the man continued without even noticing the discomforted girl behind him. "Mister, umm..."

She didn't even know his name! Really, her mother taught her better than this. Following a stranger who makes such sugary promises is the first thing they teach you _not_ to do when you're a kid. She'd always been a bit rash, but in all her sixteen years of life she'd never done anything of this sort.

Alice decided that she was just _naïve_ enough to believe him.

It so happened, while she concluded her misgivings and as they rounded a corner, the man stopped abruptly.

"Ah. Here we are."

She stared up, squinting and taking in the bright looming awning above her.

_...oh._

So the place _did_ exist and her eviscerated parts wouldn't be found three days later.

_Wonderland Patisserie et Cafe_, it read in a cutesy script.

In fact, there was a lot of _cute-ness _going on around there. She noted the pink, the tiffany-blue, and other girlish—_heh,_ _garish more like it—_pastels that made up the store-front. In the window a display of dancing rabbits and prancing ..._unicorns?_... made up a little welcome sign to beckon would-be patrons.

_Huh._

As if knowing exactly what she was mulling over, the man waved a flippant hand.

"The shop is catered to the owner's tastes. I just make the cakes. Anyhow, come on in, _young lady_."

That made sense, because honestly she just could not picture a grown man fawning over all the "pretty colors." Unless he was _that way_, but that was a subject she would have to debate at another time.

And so Alice conceded, casting him a wary, speculative eye as he pushed the door open, allowing her passage.

What awaited her on the other side, almost took her breath away.

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**A/N: **Oh, Break. Don't you know it's wrong to pick up stray girls?


	3. It's All In The Presentation

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Pandora Hearts.

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**It's All In The Presentation**

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Alice took in the interior with widening eyes.

_Oh._

The establishment was, indeed, a 'Wonderland.' From the ceiling, all the way down to the tiny little napkins set upon the tables. There was more pastel in one place than she'd ever seen, and all the whimsical details of the place was astounding.

"Ah!" an annoyed voice groused. "Break! Where were you? The shop has been opened for three hours and I had to let Oz help me set the desserts and supplies this morning!"

Behind the counter, pass an ornate barrage of finely decorated sweets—she noted, was a dark-haired man carrying a tray of some nicely frosted cupcakes. He didn't seem to notice her, but instead kept his gaze locked onto the sheepishly grinning man at her side.

"What? I told you I'd come in later...and now it's later. Where's your brother, by the way? He could have helped you," the man beside her, or rather 'Break,' suggested.

The dark-haired man shrugged, setting to arranging those cupcakes on a tiered display. "I don't know, we didn't clock in at the same time. Last I saw, he was in the pantry."

"Probably sleeping his hangover off in there as we speak," Break surmised.

The other man finally took notice of her, "Hey, not in front of the customers. We're trying to keep this place professional, remember?"

"You mean this one?" Break pointed a thumb in her direction, "She's not here for the tea and cake—"

Oh, but that was wholly the case...

"—She's the new girl. I just hired her."

"You just...what?" he threw a skeptical look with a little bit of aghast mixed in there and Alice found his face almost as amusing as the entire situation.

"He hired me, that's _what_," she was brave enough to throw out there.

Break's sharp laugh caught her off guard, while the other man quickly narrowed his brows at that quip. "I'm really starting to like you, Miss...?"

"It's Alice."

"...Come again?"

"I said my name is _Alice_."

There was a long pause as both men inspected her.

Then Break said breathily, "Oh, my. She's just perfect isn't she, Gilbert?"

The other could only nod.

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End file.
